Thursday, November 1, 2007
I walk alone.
These days, I feel like a new person. It's really hard to put to words. In my past 6 years of life, ever since I was given the heads up to date, I've never really been alone aka single. It's always been one guy straight to another. Ever since my last heart-wrenching breakup, a relationship just doesn't feel the same. Maybe it's because I can't find anyone to measure up, or maybe I've just simply grown up. These days, I feel like I've grown a cover of thorns against guys around me. I just simply reject the ability to fall in love with anyone at all. It's sad, really, considering how it was so natural in the past. I guess I'm just jaded. I can't find anyone I can rely on at all. Hence, I find myself occupying my time with things that gives me satisfactory results, like my work or my workouts. At least, even if I'm left to die on my own, I know I have excellent grades/work, and have a half satisfactory body. Lately, I've realized that I'm not allowing people who care for me to come close to me. If they attempt to come a little closer, I will act so nonchalant that they wish they didn't. Frankly speaking, I don't know what is wrong with me. I know that a little tiny part of me is hoping for someone to fuck all that, and try a little harder to know me, to reach me. Sadly, a huge part of me is thinking that it's better off to be on my own, to be sufficient on my own just so I don't have to depend on another significant other. Last night, it felt weird going to bed, 'cuz I finally realized that I don't have to report to anyone every night when I go to bed......
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8 comments:
hey girl, I know how u feel. I had a BF whom had faced the same thing, I had to be very patient with him and I never regret not giving up today. You are not alone. All I can say, dun give up on love. I also think that u do not have to worry that much because,somehow, if a man loves u enough, he will be patient enough. When u find the right one, perhaps u'd be well again. =)
Besides, u have brains, pretty and alot of wonderful stuff. Open up. =) Gd luck.
Thank you... :) That made me feel a lot better.
I have a friend who is like you. She goes through guys by the dozens because she gets irritated, bored, lazy, or finds herself unattracted to them at the slightest sneeze. I don't know how to fix it, but if she ever changes, I will let you know how she did it :)
Yes please, or maybe introduce me to her and we can be spinsters at the end of the road. :P
While I haven't been in many relationships, I still definitly know how you feel. I'm sure I've told you about how I forsee myself being "Crazy Old Man Maloney," being a complete hermit, and dying alone surrounded by piles of artwork, poems, and stories that no one else has ever seen. I suppose there is a bit of a depressive romatic-ness to the scene, but a big part of me hopes that it won't end so.
That being said, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. You have become much more self relient and that is a good thing. Most guys are dicks that don't deserve you anyways. Eventually though you'll figure out how to balance your burgening self-relience with the dependence of a relationship, and the guy who manages to be there when you do will be a lucky lucky guy indeed. :)
**HUGGLE**
Awww, thanks ada! :) I like the line about "most guys don't deserve you anyways". ^___^ Yay to singledom!
We just need that special someone somehow in some way..
He will take his time to find his way and appear just when u think u don't need anyone and being happy alone!
Fuckers.. hahah
Haha, agreed. :P You are very wise.
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