What if...

Today we had the usual Thursday happy hour at my lab. Every Thursday, we'll go to the cookout pit overlooking the La Jolla cliffs, and cook steak/chicken, lay out different sorts of cheeses, and eat them with copious amounts of bread and wine and beer. So today, Jerold (my professor/boss) came to happy hour, after flying a 20 plus hour flight back from Prague. It's been a long time since he's joined us, as he's been traveling around for the last 5 weeks attending various conferences. So we were talking about random stuff, and he said this to me: I'm glad you're doing something with your life, like getting a Ph.D, instead of relying only on your looks. And that got me thinking. First of all, I never thought I was hot enough to be one of those money-laundering bitches who suck the money off their rich-ass-soon-to-die hubbies. Secondly, I was just thinking in general, what if? It dawned on me that my life, till this point, was just a very natural progression. I grew up in a city that emphasized greatly on grades - hell, they even segregate the students to Special, Express and NORMAL? I cannot think of a more deprecating word than NORMAL to describe a young promising kid. But anyways, so I grew up big on grades. And it's convenient that I did well in school. And so I studied hard 'cuz it was "important" and I was good at it. And then the chance for a scholarship came by, and at that point, I was more like "why not?", and it was only during the second round of interview that I realized that my scholarship was for studying overseas. I took the plunge, and managed to make the cut to progress to graduate school, and so here I am. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's not that I'm not interested in the subject I'm doing right now. It intrigues me in ways I can't even put in words. But it's just such a wonder that I never broke off from the norm, or what I'm supposed to do. What if I didn't study hard, and I wanted to take up uh culinary school rather than college? What will I be doing now? Will I be happier than how I am right now? There's just so many possibilities in life, you can never know for sure which path is the one that guarantees the optimal level of happiness. Well, I'd never know now, will I?